Solid Gold
by Double
Summary: [One-shot] Seishirou slipped into Subaru’s room one night. What did he want after all these years? What did he hope to give? Or was it all another pretense? SxS, Lemon. Angst, but with happy ending.


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**_Solid Gold_**

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**Donna mono yori tsuyoku Kimi wo mise tsudzuketai  
****Boku igai no dare in mo Chikazui tari shinaide **

**From what kind of charm do I want to continue bewitching the strong you?  
****With the exception of me, no one can come any close **

In the darkness of the night, a man stood on the rooftops of a building. Letting his eyes follow the moonbeam, his gaze fell onto a younger man sleeping restlessly in the apartment directly opposite to where he stood.

"Nightmares, Subaru-kun?" The Sakurazukamori chucked silently to himself. He could clearly feel Subaru's unrest through the marks that had stayed intact for fifteen years. Even after fifteen years, their game was still not over. He leapt lightly off the building.

A pale sakura petal floated into the Sumeragi's room through the crack of the window. More and more flowers appeared out of nowhere, and soon, they solidified into the Sakurazukamori himself. Taking a soft stride towards the bed, he sat down gently on the mattress, right beside the sleeping Subaru. And he took off his shades, as he felt each gradual rise and fall of Subaru's chest in the deadly silent night, each tiny exhale of air.

**Kimi ga te ni ireru mono kasuka na yokubou no koe  
****Soba ni iru to sore dake JEERASHII ni oboreru **

**In your hands you hold something, the voice of a faint desire  
****And only being next to you, can I drown in this jealousy **

The moonlight set Subaru's pale complexion into a pearly glow, and his ebony hair into a softer shade of dark brown. A miniscule frown was between his brows, and his lips parted slightly, as if whispering to the unseen figure in his dreams.

"Who are you speaking to, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou murmured, though not loud enough to wake the Sumeragi. Lifting up Subaru's hand, which was clutched into a fist, he placed a light kiss on the back of it, and the invisible pentagrams flickered to life. He didn't want Subaru to dream, because Subaru was his. All his.

Suddenly, Subaru's hand flipped over and caught Seishirou's hand, then closed his hands tightly once more.

Surprise rippled across Seishirou's golden eye, but ebbed away much faster than it had appeared. "What is it that you want, Subaru-kun?" His voice was soft, rich, seductive and slightly bemused, thoughtful even.

"Seishirou-san . . ."

**Kimi dake wa tokubetsu sa Donna toki mo wasurenai  
****Shizuka na yoru no mukou de Kimi wo te ni iretai **

**Only you are special, no matter what time, cannot be forgotten  
****Beyond the silent night, I want to hold you in my hands **

By now, Subaru's expressions had turned back to peaceful, but his grip on Seishirou's hand was equally tight, as if it was some kind of ward that kept nightmares away. It was a strangely childish action on Subaru's part, especially now that he was much more weathered by time. It was like a child who was afraid of dark, hanging on dearly to his precious teddy bear of comfort. And Seishirou wondered if Subaru had really become all that different from when he was sixteen, or nine, even.

His innocence in sleep was still the same, the same smooth porcelain cheeks, gentle heart . . . He hadn't become all that different, Seishirou realized, as he ran through each memory of Subaru, engraved deeply in his mind. Those were the only things he cared to remember, and could not be erased, hard as he tried. It had long proved to be futile.

The night was deadly silent. Seishirou could hear Subaru's pulse, pounding melodically, in the find stretch of his neck. The skin was pale and unmarred. It delighted him to some extent. He brushed his fingertips over Subaru's lips, a pale wash of red against the alabaster, pure but tempting. He leaned down.

Subaru's eyes snapped open, emerald irises still hazy with sleep, yet wild with shock. Beautiful, nonetheless.

**Koboreru houseki da ne Marude kimi no hitomi wa  
****Anna ni hageshi kokoro Mune ni kakushi ta mama de  
****Moe agaru konou sae Tsumetaku kanjiru hodo no  
****Samishisa wo ima nara Tsutsu n de agerare ru **

**Your eyes are like falling jewels, aren't they?  
****My chest always contains such an intense heart  
****Yet even with the flames bursting, the freezing feeling  
****Of loneliness, even now, still envelops me **

Pushing him away, Subaru shrank to the other side of the bed, backed against the wall, and glared at the intruder to his room, eyes ablaze with hatred so intense that he thought he would burn in it. Seishirou just smiled, calmly, coldly, meaninglessly. "Good evening, Subaru-kun." Subaru wanted to cry.

Glancing around wildly, he searched for his ofuda, and found them at the other end of the room, in his coat pocket, which was in a heap on the ground. He didn't even have a chair. He thought about leaping up to grab it, but somehow he felt his limbs weak beyond control, as if he would fall into a heap like the coat if not for the wall supporting him.

"What are you doing here? Have you finally decided to kill me?" He asked with a dry and bitter laugh.

"Of course not. Do I look like that?" Seishirou smiled amiably, for a moment turning back into the friendly vet he was nine years ago. Subaru wanted to wipe that smile off his face; he preferred the predator's gaze, because that was who Seishirou really was.

"It's you who taught me never to assume things from how people look, isn't it? Just tell me what you want and leave me alone."

"I want to give you something."

**Kimi dake ni okuritai Kazari no nai kono ai wo ****  
****Tatoe surechigau dake no Deai dato shi te mo **

**I want to give this only to you, this love, without any decorations  
****Even if our meeting was only to pass by each other, without anything happening at all **

With a swift movement, Seishirou pulled Subaru over and kissed him.

Subaru fought, but Seishirou only released him when he tasted something salty on his lips. Not blood. Tears.

Tears slipped form Subaru's eyes, like liquid crystals, and fell onto the back of Seishirou's hand. "Why are you doing this . . . Why are you doing this?! Is this another way you invented to play with your toy? Am I not broken enough already?"

Seishirou just smiled.

**Kimi dake wa wakaranai Tashika ni soba ni iru no ni  
****Dakishimereba sore dake Hana rete yuku you de **

**Only you don't understand, even though I was right by your side  
****That only by holding on this way, can I appear to have let go **

Seishirou pulled Subaru into his arms, and the latter obliged like a lifeless puppet. There was no point in fighting, he thought as he leaned his head against Seishirou's chest, listening to his steady heartbeat. Hokuto's heart would be beating too, if not for him. He lay there, tears streaming, paralyzed by the surge of emotions that threatened to drown him.

"You don't understand, do you, Subaru-kun?" Seishirou asked, voice surprisingly gentle.

"How can I understand when you've never given me a chance to?" Subaru replied wearily.

"I can offer you a chance. Do you want to take it?"

"As if I have a choice."

Seishirou smiled satisfactorily, predatorily, then lowered his lips right to Subaru's ear. "Of course you have a choice," he whispered huskily, and Subaru shivered as the hot breath moistened his ear. "What we do in life, who we are in life, none of which we can control. But what we can choose between is whether to allow ourselves to enjoy what we have to do, even if we have to abandon our morals, or to purposely deny the pleasures of sins, until we hang ourselves with those morals."

Taking Subaru's earlobe between his lips, he sucked lightly, then nibbled on it as a tiny sound escaped from the back of Subaru's throat. Dipping his head down, he grazed his lips over the curve of Subaru's neck, and the ticklish sensation sent Subaru's nerves on fire, spreading all the way throughout his body, driving any previous thoughts away, as hard as his mind tired screaming at him that this was wrong. But he wanted to understand Seishirou. He wanted to be the way he never was.

Suddenly, pain shot up from the base of his neck, near the collarbone, but instead of feeling pain, his hole body trembled even more, as Seishirou teased that area of flesh, and he felt his hands clinging to Seishirou's shoulders for support.

Finally pulling back, Seishirou saw with satisfaction that a delicious red mark had formed on Subaru's ivory skin. Looking up, he saw that Subaru's cheeks were tinged red, eyes half-lidded and emerald orbs glistening a deep forest green in the moonlight. Hs mouth parted invitingly, something that Seishirou took immediate advantage of.

He loved the Sumeragi's taste, something like a mixture of sweet vanilla from his childhood, the bitter taste to tobacco, and a light fragrance of ceremonial incense. It was clearly addictive, as he found himself probing deeper and deeper into Subaru's moist caverns, never getting enough of it.

**Yawaraka na kami wo kaki age Sotto sotto kuchizukeru  
****Nigerarenai yoru wo se ni shita kimi wo Donna yume miteru no? **

**Soft hair, above the shoulders Softly, secretly, tasting  
****Beneath the stature of the inescapable night, what kind of dream are you seeing? **

Slipping his hand below Subaru's shirt, he roamed over the smooth complexion, noting where Subaru was most sensitive, before tossing the shirt away into a pile on the ground. Subaru's face flushed as he felt the cold air against his skin, but all was forgotten as Seishirou closed his mouth on one of his nipples.

Moans elicited form his swollen, well-kissed lips, along with each movement of Seishirou's tongue.

Hesitantly, he ran his hands up Seishirou's back, tentative, as if he would be burn the next moment. Seishirou smirked, then placed a light kiss on Subaru's lips, encouraging him on. Firmer, faster, Subaru's hands now moved with almost an urgent pace, pushing the black trench coat off Seishriou's shoulders. He wanted to know the man the way he never had before, more than he ever dared dream of before. Even if it was only physical. It was better than nothing.

And he hated himself for this, for loving his enemy, his nemesis, so completely, so desperately, to the extent that he could on longer control his own movements, to the extent that he was willing to drown in an illusion and grasp on to thin air. And to the extent that he could no longer survive if Seishirou was to vanish. He hated this. He hated Seishirou. He hated himself. He could not tell which he hated more, or really, none at all.

"Subaru-kun, you're crying." Seishirou said gently, brushing away a tear from Subaru's cheeks. Gentleness. Was it real or fake?

"I hate this. I hate myself for enjoying this," he managed to chock out.

"And you do not hate me?"

Circling his arms even tighter around Seishirou, he closed his eyes in defeat, and replied, "I hate you so much, so deeply, that I don't know what to call it anymore, what it is anymore."

"You confuse me, and never fail to amaze me, Subaru-kun." With your kindness, innocence, even now.

**Kimi dake wa tokubetsu sa Donna toki mo fushigi na hito  
****Shizuka na yoru no mukou de Subete te in iretai **

**Only you are special, no matter what time, a mysterious person  
****Beyond the silent night, I want to hold everything in my hands **

Suddenly, Seishirou rose and stepped off the bed, pulling a dazed Subaru with him.

"Seishirou-san . . . ?" But Seishirou just hushed him with a kiss, then guided his hand to the buttons of his suit.

"Take it off, Subaru-kun." And Seishirou observed, amused, as Subaru's face flushed red, just like when he was sixteen, but with shaking hands, he undid the buttons, until the suit glided to the ground and melted into the shadows. Then the tie and the white silk shirt underneath, until he found the warmth of Seishirou's skin, which enveloped him like fire, and a light scent of sakura lingered in the smell that only belonged to Seishirou.

Such irony, that a cold heart like this could make him burn, and the sweet scent of sakura reminded him of blood.

Yet he couldn't control his body form swaying to Seishirou. Burying his head in the curved of the other's neck, shyly, experimentally, he tasted Seishirou's flesh, and noted a slight stiffening in the muscles.

But he could go no further, as Seishirou's hand gilded down his spine and came to rest on his hips. Then he pressed Subaru close to himself, feeling the slim form fitting nicely against his larger body. Subaru couldn't suppress a man, as their arousal rubbed against each other, and even through the fabric of their pants, the feverish heart was driving him on edge.

Smirked, then held Subaru even tighter, as he lowered himself slowly, every slowly, onto his knees, savoring the electric thrill of the friction between their bodies, and the irrepressible gasps and mans that erupted him Subaru's lips. He felt the Sumeragi's fingers twining in his hair, as if that was the sole support that he had to keep him standing.

Perhaps in a sense, it was. And vice versa?

"Subaru-kun," Seishirou murmured idly, as he darted a lick over Subaru's navel, "I don't hate you, and neither do I love you . I can give you my heart, but it will be empty. Then what is your point of wanting it?"

"Because it is your heart . . . Because I want to fill it up. Even if I have to die trying . . ."

**Kimi deke ni okuritai Kazari no nai kono kokoro  
****Tatoe surechigau dake no Deai da to shitemo **

**I want to give this only to you, this heart, without any decorations  
****Even if our meeting was only to pass by each other, without anything happening at all. **

Enough playing. With a smooth jerk, Seishirou pulled down Subaru's pants, along with his underwear, and ginned at what was exposed to him. Purposely avoiding the erection, Seishirou lapped his way slowly up Subaru's silken thighs, then, as if accidental, brushed his fingers over the tip of the arousal. Subaru's hands tightened in Seishirou's hair.

"Sei . . . shi . . . mnn . . ." but his words dissolved into senseless moans, as Seishirou took his erection into his mouth, sucking away mercilessly. Then his mouth was gone, as quick as it had came, but was replaced by his tongue that swirled on the tip, tasting the salty precum, before gliding up and down the shaft.

Thrusting his hips forward, Subaru could feel himself on the verge of climax, but Seishirou abruptly pulled away. All at once, he became too aware of the cold air hitting his skin, and it calmed his raging hormones just by a notch. Yet his body shook uncontrollably form the fierce aftershocks of the near-orgasm, and the throbbing in his groin bordered on pain.

With a soft click, the belt hit the ground, along with the last articled of clothing on Seishirou. Even through his eyes misted over by tears, sweat and lust, Subaru couldn't help blushing once again, and just like the way his eyes refused to leave Seishirou, he could feel the other taking in every inch of his body with a possessive eye.

The Sumeragi had always been a beautiful creature, even more so than when he was young. His ivory skin was now flushed rose, as the heart within him surged. The moonlight cast playful shadows on the graceful curves of his body and limbs, alluring Seishirou to explore them. Finally, he lifted his gaze and met Subaru's emerald eyes.

The desire that burned in them was hard to miss, but beneath that lay something else, hiding from him, yet speaking so clearly of the betrayal the Sumeragi suffered, and how he would love to hate, to draw a clear and definite line, the same line, between what he know was right and wrong, good and bad, love and hate. But those only ended up mixing in a huge puddle, beneath the outward layer passion, slowly gnawing him away, like acid burning through a piece of fabric.

Subaru's irises darkened, and he lifted his arms towards Seishirou, welcoming anything the man would offer him, torture, or a perverse sense of happiness with the aftermath of a never ending abyss.

Yet even so . . . yet even so . . .

The next second, Seishirou swept Subaru off his feet and pinned him onto the bed, his hand gripping Subaru's delicate wrists like a vice, and held them high above his head. Subaru hissed and arched his back to the pain, but Seishirou pressed him down using his other hand with almost bruising strength, before settling between Subaru's legs.

Previous gentleness dissipated, as Seishirou's lips roamed over Subaru's skin, hungrily licking and biting, while his hands dealt rough, yet sensuous strokes over Subaru's body, setting his nerves aflame, but was it was pleasure or pain? It didn't matter; he couldn't tell. They were the same, weren't they, after all? Pleasure within pain, the basis of their relationship, the only way Seishirou could love.

His flesh stung form the onslaught, but he didn't want it to stop. Even if it hurt, he wanted to feel the weight of the man atop him, warming him, sheltering him, even if the man meant to suffocate him, devour him. Electricity seemed to crack in the air, moistened with desire, yet scorched with heart – on the verge of explosion.

Without warning, Seishirou thrust into Subaru, tearing through previously unsoiled grounds. Subaru screamed.

It hurt, as if something inside him was being ripped apart. But the pain ebbed away after the a few thrust, flooded away by an immense ecstasy. He could feel Seishirou inside him, and he knew he now belonged the Sakurazukamori in a way never before. All his, totally, completely, and Seishirou smiled. Even if he could never understand Subaru to the fullest extent, at least he possessed everything, body mind, and soul. And to the two of them, this seem the most natural thing in the world, when the in that moment, with their status abolished, all the sins purified, and all the unforgivables forgotten, leaving them with nothing but themselves.

Somewhere, something clicked into place.

Subaru closed his eyes, wanting to only feel Seishirou, to the point that only Seishirou existed in the world. No more lying, no more denying, as the blind desire between them turned into something softer.

Wrapping his arms around Seishirou's shoulder, he gently guided the man down, until his lips were right by Seishirou's ear. "I love you, Seishirou-san, even when I hate you and try to kill you. No matter who you are, I love you . . ."

"You are all mine, Subaru-kun. All mine." Seishirou whispered, perhaps with more intensity than he expected.

"All yours."

Arching his back, Subaru pressed himself even closer to Seishirou, and their bodies moved together in the resumed flames of passion. Drowning, they held on to each other, tightly, firmly, desperately, never to let go, at least for now.

Again and again, Seishirou lunged into him, deeper, faster, and soft sparkles of light exploded behind his closed eyelids, building up more and more. Then with one final thrust, everything exploded. The light dissolved, sending him into an endless void of darkness, falling, falling, into the hollow aftermath of sex, until he felt strong arms catching him. Opening his eyes, he saw Seishirou collapsing onto him, and an overbearing sense of peace and safety engulfed him.

In that moment, nothing else matter. They had everything.

**Kimi dake wa tokubetsu sa Donna toki mo fushigi na hito  
****Shizuka na yoru no mukou de Subete te . . . **

**Only you are special, no matter what time, a mysterious person  
****Beyond the silent night, everything . . . **

Seishirou sat up and gazed at Subaru, who was lying on his side, breathing steady and even, but his emerald eyes were open, peaceful, but not drowsy. Very thoughtful, indeed.

The show was over. It was time to pull his act together, to pretend as if nothing ever happened, to hurt Subaru just as he was beginning to heal, then disappear into the darkness before the light would cover the earth.It was time to leave.

Running his finger lightly over Subaru's hips, he smirked. "Won't it be perfect if I love you?"

He expected Subaru to be hurt, his glassy green eyes to shatter, but instead, Subaru continued lying there, not moving a muscle. His voice peaceful, he looked into Seishirou's mismatched eyes and replied, "No, it won't, because then, it won't be you anymore."

Seishirou smiled, then lay down again, pulling Subaru close.

The sun rose across the horizon, its golden rays dispelling any shadows that lay claim over the earth, and every bit of darkness disappeared, even at places where the sunshine could never reach.

…………………………………**_Owari_**…………………………………


End file.
